In the interest of spreading democratic ideals, especially self-determination, around the globe, President Donald Trump announced that some major American oil companies will expand their operations in Venezuela following the military actions there on January 3rd, 2026. Their investments, which were approved by the Trump Administration during a closed-door meeting that we don’t deserve to know about, will help to reorient the Venezuelan economy in the right direction.
Prospect staff recently had an exciting opportunity to speak with a high-ranking official within one of the businesses being entrusted with the oil in Venezuela. The following is our exclusive interview with an executive at Mystery, Incorporated (please note that the name of the company has been changed and the official is anonymous for confidentiality purposes).
Q: When did you find out that Mystery, Inc. would be supporting the oil industry in Venezuela?
A: It was only made official this past week. We’ve been working closely with the administration on Venezuela for months, though, so we’ve had concepts of this plan for much longer.
Q: Can you describe the mood among your employees since the operation in Caracas?
A: In a word, “hungry.” You have to be in this line of work. A lot of the guys around here got into the industry a decade ago. They had big dreams, but they’ve never gotten hands-on experience with managing untapped oil like this. They’re just starving for it. So, yeah, everyone’s excited to get down there.
Q: You mentioned getting a start in this field. Can you talk more about why you decided to work in oil?
A: I wanted money.
Q: Oh. Is that all?
A: Well, everyone knows that oil makes the world go ’round. We consume it every day. Growing up, I wanted to make an impact, and I figured a job like the one I have now would check that box. Then, the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico—sorry, of America—went down. That was a really exciting time for me. It was a moment of inspiration, and it cemented my career goals.
Q: How long do you think American companies like yours will be in Venezuela?
A: We’ll leave when we have all the oil.
Q: Really? President Trump said in his address earlier this month that the US will only be “running” the country until a peaceful transfer of power can take place.
A: I’m pretty sure that’s what I said.
Q: What is it about Venezuelan oil, in particular, that is meaningful for the United States?
A: You’re probably aware that Venezuela has the largest oil reserves of any country in the world, so we just have to take advantage of that. We’ve also found that it’s rich in nutrients, which makes it especially valuable for us.
Q: Nutrients?
A: Yeah. Vitamins and minerals. A, B, XYZ. Calcium. The works.
Q: I see. Do those… make cars run better, or something?
A: No, not really.
Q: I want to move on to a slightly different topic. Some believe that the American political climate is the most polarized it’s ever been. How are you responding to the administration’s ongoing policy changes?
A: All we can do is play it by ear. I will say that we’re fans of those new dietary restrictions HHS just put out, since they didn’t change the guidelines on oil. If they had, it could’ve put us in a real tailspin.
Q: I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but what, exactly, is Mystery, Inc. planning to do with the oil that is shipped out of Venezuela?
A: We’re going to eat it.
Q: I’m sorry?
A: We are going to eat the oil.
Q: I don’t think I understand.
A: In that case, you’d be the first person to have a problem with our business plan. I think it’s pretty straightforward. We have people on the ground in Venezuela who are gonna dig up every square inch of the Orinoco Belt. Then we’re all going to sit down, probably banquet-style, you know, to preserve some decorum, and we’ll dine upon the oil.
Q: I was going to ask if you had any final words of wisdom for the American people, but I think you’ve explained things, um, sufficiently.
A: I just want everybody to understand that this whole Venezuela thing is shaping up to be delicious for America.
