Three weeks have passed since Donald Trump’s record-breaking address to Congress, with minimal changes to the world order. However, our diligent fact checkers at Prospect have since discovered several recent developments which the President neglected to mention.
First: scandal in Gilead! Award winning novelist and complainer Margaret Atwood has filed a civil lawsuit against the federal government of the United States for intellectual property infringement. The author alleges “flagrant and ongoing copyright violations” of her 1958 novel The Handmaid’s Tale.
In the suit, filed from Atwood’s home of Canada last week, the author claims that the current administration has “staged immersive adaptations” of her work without her permission. The brief points to elements of “patriarchal overreach, reproductive control, and shameful attempts at total gender dominance” as representing infringements of international copyright law.
Atwood added in a statement last Friday, “At first, I was flattered by the world’s descent into autocratic absurdity; I have deeply appreciated committed fan projects in the past.”
The author, who won the Booker Prize twice in 2000 and 2019, went on to describe the turning point that prompted her to sue: “My patience wore thin when lawmakers began directly plagiarizing passages from my book in their written legislative proposals.”
Representatives from the accused have denied any wrongdoing, claiming any resemblance between Atwood’s work and government actions is “purely coincidental because nobody reads books anyway.” Meanwhile, reports suggest that Atwood has started drafting a manuscript with the working title The Lawsuit’s Tale. The book’s protagonist, Ofrepublican, embarks on a legal journey to reclaim her work after her writing is published and stolen by her Commander. It would be Atwood’s first novel in seven years.
The next major headline concerns the energy sector. This past weekend, Senate Republicans proposed a new bill aiming to solve America’s energy crisis by re-purposing fuel we already have in a new way. The plan, which promises to reduce welfare costs while heating the country efficiently, will “replace fossil fuels with unproductive citizens.”
“This is about innovation,” said one GOP lawmaker. “The left wants ‘solar panels’ and ‘windmills,’ but we are tapping into something far more reliable: desperation.” Under the plan, citizens earning under $25,000 per annum would be voluntarily relocated to energy facilities in exchange for tax credits.
The bill, dubbed the Freedom Fuel Initiative, promises a new avenue for low-income Americans to “give back to their country” by being converted into “clean, patriotic energy.” A separate but parallel proposal focused on constructing “patriotic work camps” for the Chosen Ones is currently making its way through the House.
Finally, on Monday, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt was caught telling the truth. While she fielded questions, one reporter asked, “What is the DOJ doing in these trying times?”
“We are fighting law and order,” Leavitt responded.
The admission has rocked the nation and sent waves through the president’s Cabinet. Secretary Leavitt has since pleaded her case on Fox News, insisting it was a “slip of the tongue. I mean to say fighting for law and order,” she added.
Sources report that Leavitt has been placed on administrative leave for the rest of time—or, in the words of President Trump, “until the public remembers the Epstein files exist and they all forget about her.”
Edward Nashton has temporarily taken the position of Acting Press Secretary. Mr. Nashton is “excited and eager to continue Karoline’s example.”
